My Pearl
by Skiptastic
Summary: "Do you resent me?" Steven asks a question that's been bothering him, Pearl answers.


Dream, please enjoy.

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"Oh, don't forget to pull her chair out for her, there is a strange obsession in human courtships over doors and chairs!" Pearl advised, certainly not her first tip that night. Steven had lost count of how many different tips the slender gem had offered over since he had returned to the temple and told her Connie and he were going to dinner and a movie. He should have known better than to tell her so soon, but he had been too excited to hold his tongue. Now he stood in her room, looking at the seemingly never-ending sky and stone slabs floating in the air, unhindered by any force of gravity. Pearl and he stood on one of those many slabs, water pouring under their shoes like a glass floor barely an inch thick.

"We're just gonna get food and walk around the pier until the movie, Pearl." Steven clarified as Pearl straightened his bow tie. The boy had wanted to go in his usual clothes but the pale gem had insisted he dress his best for the night and said they _were_ called dinner jackets for a reason. They eventually reached an agreement, white button-up shirt and jacket and a casual pair of jeans. As much as he initially resisted Pearl's advice, he had to admit he loved the way it looked. The jacket was a deep black, absolutely spotless. He'd only ever worn it once for a wedding his dad had taken him to last year.

"So handsome!" Pearl exclaimed, beaming with delight as she finished fiddling with his tie, at least until he moved slightly and it wasn't absolutely perfect. Steven didn't mind though, as proven by the massive grin between his blushing cheeks. He knew she meant well and - if he was being honest - he enjoyed her fussing over him. It felt motherly, a sensation Pearl not only introduced him to but was often the source of. "Rose would be so proud! I swear Steven, when you made her proud she'd give you this amazing smile that made everything else just melt away. I can still imagine it sometimes . . ."

Suddenly his grin was gone, replaced with a mild frown at the mention of his mother. His feelings for Rose were conflicted at best, nonexistent at worst. He wanted desperately to love her the way the other Crystal Gems did, but he couldn't, not without it feeling forced or faked. From the stories to the videos, Rose was personified as the greatest person he would never know, never get to hug her or exchange smiles or tell her about his day. Perhaps the worst thing about it was that he had started to accept it. His mom was always going to be a stranger, but he had his dad.

And the Gems.

A question had been popping up in the back of his mind the last few months, one he had been too scared to vocalize to Pearl. But he had gotten tired of not knowing, of thinking about it whenever the elegant gem mentioned his mother, and of tossing and turning late in the occasional night when he couldn't push the question from his mind. He'd been stalling, always using Garnet and Amethyst's presence as an excuse. A good one, but still an excuse. Now it was the two of them, with low risk of the others walking in. This was the moment he had simultaneously needed and not wanted. All of this fear had reached its boiling point as Pearl continued to talk about all the happiness his mother gave her in their time together. He opened his mouth and forced out her name, "Pearl?"

"Yes, Steven?" she asked, seemingly pulled back to the reality where Rose no longer existed. "Oh! Your boutonniere, of course! Good thinking Steven!" A dresser made out of what looked like solid granite rose behind her from right out of the stone. Pearl opened and found a small rose (because of course it was a rose) in quick succession, no doubt having it placed in a very specific location. She kneeled before him and pinned the flower on his jacket while the cabinet sank back below the water. If he didn't have a bigger question on his mind he would have asked her how it did that, though it probably would have gone over his head and ended up being chalked to gem technology.

His mouth hung agape, unable to form the question. He had seemingly run out of courage to fuel the bearing of his soul, no thanks to Pearl staying at eye level and making direct contact. Her sky-blue eyes peered at him, soft and caring as ever. _Keep going, just 5 simple words._ He took a breath and tried to remember what he felt like when he faced Jasper, and just like that the words came much easier. "Do you ever resent me?" he asked, accidentally rushing into the question rather than easing into it as intended.

"What?" Pearl questioned, those soft eyes widening.

Steven took a deep breath, "I know you loved Rose, that you were "her Pearl." You talk about how great she was and how close you two were, do you ever wish she was here instead of me?" His voice quivered slightly as he finished and his gaze was focused on the ground, but overall he was impressed with how he kept his emotions off his sleeve for once.

Pearl was speechless, kneeling in front of this young boy she held so fondly in her heart as he questioned her feelings. Moments ago he seemed so happy, eager to go on his social (possibly romantic) encounter with Connie. Now he was standing in front of her, afraid to look her in the eyes as he stared at water running beneath their feet, seemingly terrified of what her answer would be. It tore her up to imagine how long he must of felt like this, that SHE made him feel like this.

"Steven, I-I have never felt like that!" She answered, "Do I really make you feel like that?"

He shrugged, "It's not just you, but you were closer to her than Garnet or Amethyst. Sometimes when you talk about her I can tell you're still sad she's gone." He takes a moment to breath and recollect himself before he tries to continue. "It's my fault she's gone. I took her from you, from the Crystal Gems. I'd understand if you blamed me for it." His hands were shaking a little, tiny fists clenched at his sides. He worked up the strength to lift his gaze off the ground and back to her.

Pearl saw sadness in those eyes, as if he had already received an answer. "I was sad and angry when Rose left m-us, and I miss her every single day." Steven sees Pearl's eyes begin to water as she talks and he realized it was a mistake to ask her this question. He hadn't considered that being afraid was a much better option than making this motherly gem cry. "I never intended to make you feel like I'd choose Rose over you, Steven."

"You and the others, you all talk about how great she was," he repeated, trying to find new words. "I want to live up to that, to be as perfect as her, but I'm scared I can't be. I'm scared you and Garnet and Amethyst are sad I'm what's left of her." Ok, his emotions had officially gotten the best of him. His voice was a mess, his vision was blurry, and his face felt wet with tears. On the bright side it wasn't full waterworks yet, staying light and only mildly embarassing.

Pearl placed her hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, a common practice among humans during moments such as these. "Gems on Homeworld don't have children, we're manufactured with no ties or concept of family. When Rose said she was pregnant, all I could think was what reason or purpose it could possibly serve? It would slow her down, make her a bigger target, present more risks in combat . . ."

"Pearl?" Steven sniffled as the gem went quiet.

"Oh, sorry! As I was saying, I didn't understand why she chose to have a child. When you were born, I tried to stay away from you because I was angry at Rose and Greg, and -"

"Me." He interrupted.

She looked away, the shame for her past feelings absolutely overwhelming. "I was petty at the time. I broke down eventually, after Garnet and Amethyst constantly talked about you. I held you in my arms, which admittedly took a bit of coaching. You held my fingers and grabbed my nose and kept reaching for my gem," she chuckled at the memory and wiped at her eyes with her free hand. "For the first time since Rose left, I felt happy. I smiled and laughed, and forgot how alone I felt."

"Really?" he asked, unable to believe he instilled all those positive emotions in someone going through what was probably the biggest loss of her life. She nodded and gently squeezed his shoulder.

"I never wanted to let go of you after that, you were the first human I wanted to see grow and learn, to help raise and protect. You . . . were my baby Steven, and I wasn't going to let anything hurt you. You still are, and I'm sorry if my admiration of Rose ever gave you the wrong idea." A thought crosses her mind and she acts on it immediately, pulling the young hybrid into a tight, love affirming hug. "I was her Pearl, but you're my Steven and I can't imagine a single day without you."

Steven feels the tears running down his face now and can only imagine how uncomfortable Pearl is as they fall onto her back. His arms wrap around her in a tight hug and he lays his head against her. Minutes pass as the sound of pouring water fills the silence until he finally breaks it with three simple words. "You're my Pearl."

Pearl quivers a bit, her grip tightening. Those words once filled her with happiness and satisfaction but had since become painful reminders of the person she lost. And for the first time in 13 years these words didn't sting or hurt, they soothed and warmed her. "Thank you Steven, for so much." They separate, tear lines and dry red eyes on their faces.

"I'm sorry I made you cry, I didn't mean for it to get that serious." He sniffles, voice soft but steady.

"Don't worry about it Steven, humans say crying has it's benefits. I'm not sure what those benefits are, but I'm sure they are already taking effect on you!" She says gleefully, already returning to her usual demeanor. She glances down at the rose she pinned to his jacket and suddenly feels ridiculous for suggesting he needed it earlier. "I think you'll look much more relaxed and casual without this silly thing."

Pearl unpins the boutonniere and rises from her knees, legs probably asleep from holding her kneeling position for the last few minutes. "Do you mind not mentioning this to Garnet or Amethyst? I need to talk to them when I'm ready. Plus I don't think I can cry any more this week. "

She laughed and nodded, "We'll just keep it between us, now go wash your face before Connie gets here." The half-human smiled as a door back to the temple living room appeared behind him. He turns and sticks his head out, checking that there was no gem in sight to see his messy, tear-stained face. "Is the coast clear?" she asked as she returned the rose to the same mysterious cabinet.

"Mhm, looks like it." He almost walked out the door, but turned and wrapped his arms around Pearl's waist, giving one last hug. It felt necessary to end their time together on a hug that didn't involve tears. "You're the best, Pearl." He releases her from his loving grip and runs out the door. "Thanks for everything!" he shouted as the door closed.

Pearl - an expert fencer, a defender of the planet Earth, a traitor to her homeworld, a master tactician in battle, and a mother to this unique and wonderful boy - stood on that floating stone in silence. _Thank you for so much more, Steven._

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Thank you for reading.


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